#mkrants

Do those colored tiles really make your life better? They certainly don’t make your game any better. Bright pink tiles with light pink polka dots… bulbous and shiny. No wonder your words suck. PAY ATTENTION! This isn’t a game.

Oh wait.

#mkrants #thescrabblerant #microblogging

In keeping with the religion theme of late, I’d like to thank God for all of the beautiful things in the world… especially the woodpecker that now lives in my yard and gets up mad early in the morning to ruin my fucking life.

If not for this beautiful creature, I wouldn’t have dark circles under my eyes, a day full of robust yawns, a huge Starbucks bill and a horrible attitude.

Lord hear our prayer.

#mkrants

How endearing and pathetic that our dog lies outside the bathroom door whimpering while Bri showers. How can he not know that after 14 years Bri’s gonna come back out and cater to the dog’s every need? For fuck’s sake, he’s memorized every sound associated with a pre-food event that’s ever happened. If he’s out in the yard and you open a seven year old can of creamed corn, he’ll hobble up the stairs on his busted, old bones in hopes of slicing his tongue on the lid, if he can muster up enough oomph to knock the trash can over. As I finished this rant, Bri came out of the bathroom and said, “Where’s my Elvee?” Am I missing an emotion gene that I don’t find this the sweetest thing ever? Codependency is so annoying.

#mkrants

(Found in drafts – June 2018)

I have been wearing this rosary bracelet for decades. It has only recently started showing signs of wear. Do I pray too much? Nah, but I do pray. I don’t touch it and count and say Hail Marys or Our Fathers but I look at each little bead and I say things like, “Hey God, what’s up with pedophiles?” I don’t think God wants to hear The Lord’s Prayer. I think God wants to be challenged. I happen to be very Godlike and I like to be challenged. So I usually pray while I’m driving… not about driving or being safe but about whatever it is that comes to mind. So back to pedophiles… after asking, I imagined God’s response.

“My child, pedophiles are proof that no-one is perfect, not even God. You are not perfect. As much as you would like to think that your children are perfect, they are not. We are all flawed. Pedophiles are severely flawed. Some have suffered unimaginable things in their lives while others are sick. Most people think that pedophiles are evil. The devil is evil and when he is allowed to enter a life, he is then the guide. I cannot prevent all evil. I can only fight evil if I am not shut out. Pedophiles are not born evil but somewhere along the path, I was shut out and the darkness was allowed to seep in and take control. My child, there are many levels of sin.”

Same mumbo jumbo I figured I’d imagine… right up there with, “he’s in a better place” after losing someone. What’s better about it? Stop flowering up heaven when there’s no god damned proof that it’s even moderately good. For all we know, there’s not even white bread up there. What if it’s all 7-grain bread, grape jelly and natural peanut butter? Gross.