I have been wearing this rosary bracelet for decades. It has only recently started showing signs of wear. Do I pray too much? Nah, but I do pray. I don’t touch it and count and say Hail Marys or Our Fathers but I look at each little bead and I say things like, “Hey God, what’s up with pedophiles?” I don’t think God wants to hear The Lord’s Prayer. I think God wants to be challenged. I happen to be very Godlike and I like to be challenged. So I usually pray while I’m driving… not about driving or being safe but about whatever it is that comes to mind. So back to pedophiles… after asking, I imagined God’s response.

“My child, pedophiles are proof that no-one is perfect, not even God. You are not perfect. As much as you would like to think that your children are perfect, they are not. We are all flawed. Pedophiles are severely flawed. Some have suffered unimaginable things in their lives while others are sick. Most people think that pedophiles are evil. The devil is evil and when he is allowed to enter a life, he is then the guide. I cannot prevent all evil. I can only fight evil if I am not shut out. Pedophiles are not born evil but somewhere along the path, I was shut out and the darkness was allowed to seep in and take control. My child, there are many levels of sin.”

Same mumbo jumbo I figured I’d imagine… right up there with, “he’s in a better place” after losing someone. What’s better about it? Stop flowering up heaven when there’s no god damned proof that it’s even moderately good. For all we know, there’s not even white bread up there. What if it’s all 7-grain bread, grape jelly and natural peanut butter? Gross.