January 22, 2020

Are you worried about a pandemic at this point?
No, not at all, we have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China and we have it under control and it’s gonna be just fine.”

January 31, 2020

How concerned are you?
Well, we pretty much shut it down…

February 10, 2020

A lot of people think that it goes away in April with the heat, as the heat comes in, typically, that will go away in April. We’re in great shape though.

February 27, 2020

It’s going to disappear, one day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.

March 2, 2020

They’re gonna have vaccines I think relatively soon and they’re gonna have something that makes you better and that’s gonna actually take place, we think, even sooner, so it’s uhh, a lot of good things are happening.

March 4, 2020

A lot of people will have this and it’s very mild, they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor. We’ll have thousands, or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around, and even going to work, some of them go to work.

March 6, 2020

As of right now and yesterday, anybody that needs a test, that’s the important thing, and the tests are all perfect, like the letter was perfect, the transcription was perfect, right, this was not as perfect as that, but pretty good.

March 6, 2020

Mr. President, what do you say to Americans who are concerned that you’re not taking this seriously enough? Some of your statements don’t match what your health experts are saying.
I say that’s CNN, fake news.

March 10, 2020

Be calm, it’s really working out, and a lot of good things are going to happen.

March 15, 2020

It’s something that we have tremendous control over.

March 16, 2020

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your response to this crisis?
I’d rate it a 10.

March 20, 2020

What do you say to Americans that are watching you right now who are scared?
I say that you’re a terrible reporter, that’s what I say.

March 24, 2020

Easter’s a very special day for me. Wouldn’t it be great to have all of the churches full? So I think Easter Sunday and you’ll have packed churches all over our country…

March 25, 2020

Because we’ve done one hell of a job, nobody’s done the job that we’ve done and it’s lucky that you have this group here right now for this problem, or you wouldn’t even have a country left.

Fuck this title. I’m having a “I need humor day”. Since I’m the one that needs humor, it’s okay. If tomorrow comes and I’m in a no jokes allowed mood, then jokes won’t be okay.

I was curious about some things as they pertain to the Coronavirus so I went to Google. As I typed my first question, one of the auto-complete choices that popped up was:

Is it okay to share Chapstik…

So of course I tapped it to expand. I knew the answer but I wanted to indulge my curiosity about natural selection and such. So the complete question was….

Is it okay to share Chapstik with strangers on the subway in NYC during the Coronavirus Pandemic if you’ve already made out with them after sharing Disco Fries at a restaurant that was supposed to be take-out only?

You can’t make this stuff up, but I just did, because that’s where my imagination goes when I’m manic.

#socialdistancing : It’s not about you asshole.